After hearing urban myths that Mountain Dew may significantly lower the male sperm count, I stopped reaching for Mountain Dew in the convenience store coolers. Actually, that’s a lie – I kept drinking it, but this was in my twenties and I was still invincible and didn’t give two damns about ingesting mass quantities of Yellow Dye No. 5. Now, I stay away from caffeinated high-fructose anything as much as possible only for the fact I’m sort of watching calories and afraid of having a heart attack at 34. In any case, I’m glad the legend of Sperm-Killer Dew is erroneously false – I’ve got women to knock up.
Okay, I have one woman to knock up. Sorry, other women who might be reading this blog – My muscle-milk is for another.
Barring any unforeseen complications, come next May I will be a father for the first time. World’s Greatest Dad. A person with legal obligations to make sure a significantly younger person that I helped make does not die on my watch. It’s heavy shit, man.
For all intents and purposes I’m not going to turn this blog into my version of “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” I won’t do that simply because I don’t want to berate you with any or all of the under-lying emotions and thought-processes which occur when it’s widely apparent that I got swimmers and my wife’s not afraid to use them! I’m excited, I’m thrilled, I’m overjoyed at what I’ve helped create.
Okay, so maybe there will be a smattering of future baby-related posts to come. I promise not to link you to my wife’s many baby-related boards on Pinterest, but I’ll certainly include you in our registry at Target and our Amazon Wish List when the due-date approacheth!
Thanks wife for willfully taking on the gestation process as only I can’t
& Thanks, Internet!